Men Express Themselves
Where men can share their points of view and more.
Where women can learn about men.
DOING WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
By Russell A Irving
Deep down, you know
What you need to do.
When you were a child, the odds are that a parent or other relative told you that one should always do 'The Right Thing'.
And, if you were like most of us, you then asked, "How will I know what the 'right thing' to do is?"
Then, if the adult was like most, they would pat you on the head in a condescending and reassuring manner, say, "Don't worry. You will just know.", and go on their merry way. Leaving you wondering whether or not you would be savvy enough to recognize 'the proper thing to do', when the time came.
Fast forward decades and you still occasionally reminisce about that incident when you were a tyke. And, you still wonder whether or not you will know what should be done.
Well, I am here to reassure you. Whether or not it is your conscience, the pit in your stomach when you begin to do what you should not, or the light bulb that goes off in your brain... You know.
The question is truly: What do you do with that knowledge?
Okay. So what does this 'morality lesson' have to do with your marriage? And, improving it?
Plenty! Let me reiterate that: Plenty!
Invariably your wife (or husband) will need you to do something for them. Perhaps lie to their mother. Or, their boss. Perhaps it's letting them cheat on their diet. Or, splurge on that new toy of a motorcycle or spa treatment or shopping spree... Whatever it is, you know on some level that they should not do it. And, by participating in the behavior, you might not be committing a 'mortal sin'... Yet, you are not listening to the voice inside your brain that is telling you to STOP! And, do what would make your folks or clergy, proud.
This is where many of us fail. And put a damper on any progress in making our marriage a better place to be.
We need to risk our spouse's 'wrath' or disappointment in us. We need to verbally explain why we do not want to to do this. And why it will likely bounce back at some point in time to harm them! (A co-worker will see them out and around when they are supposedly sick... In-laws will feel slighted at not being asked to babysit as planned, so that the next time your wife (or husband) asks them to help out, they won't... )
The same sort of thing happens when we want to do something, knowing all of the time that it will hurt our spouse's feelings, get them angry, or... We don't care. We want what we want, regardless of 'right or wrong' and any consequences!
We owe our spouse, an honest & honorable partner. Nothing less.
Bottom-line is that we recognize what we should do, far more often than we want to admit. It's like 'The Obvious'. We know it when we see, read, or experience it.
So, it's up to you, to suck it up! Be an adult! Because any instant gratification for you or your spouse, when you ignore that inner, 'Jiminy Cricket voice', will dissipate quickly enough, leaving pain, frustration, or guilt that might last a long, long time.
'Nuff said!
